I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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