It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
