I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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