and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
