You're so nebulous sometimes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
