bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
