Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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