I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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