I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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