in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sober January is a disaster.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
