I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
