i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
