I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
