for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
