The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
