I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
