I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
