That's intense
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
