The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
