you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
