never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
