i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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