Buhtt sex?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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