Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
