Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
