i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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