What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
