Too much gin, very little bucket
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
