I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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