why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
