My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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