I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
