I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
