Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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