I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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