if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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