So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
