CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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