it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
