Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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