thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
