omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
