we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
