Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
