I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
