that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
