Betty ford says i'm here all night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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