Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
