i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
