my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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