She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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